Today I feel brave enough to open up about myself with hopes of recieving some constructive feedback. In 2006 a series of tragic events occured back to back. My childhood home caught fire. I was at work when it happened and felt directly responsible for it because my then 6 year old son started the fire by accident. Several days later, as a result of this my Grandmother passed. At 81 her body wasn't strong enough to pull out of the drug induced coma the doctors put her under to treat the smoke inhalation. Although most of my family seemed understanding of the situaution my cousin resented me and my son for what happened. She confronted me at the funeral with very unkind words which made her feelings toward me obvious. This only added to my internal guilt that I eventually let go of. The funeral was the day before my youngest sons third birthday, a day that I unfortunately had no energy to celebrate considering the circumstances. Shortly after that I was incarcerated and this is where the story gets tricky for me. I often indulged in smoking weed in my spare time and cut down a month before the fire. Once all these things occurred I began smoking just to ease my mind. An old friend came by two days before I got booked with a pre-rolled dutch for me that he didn't smoke. I woke up the next day crazy and was for the next 30 days. I believed that it was the end of days, totally consumed with auditory & visual hallucinations of demons. I feared for my life and the lives of my children when they were with me. I believed that I was being followed by demons and that the devil wanted to kill me, that he was using people around me to mess with my head. I don't feel comfortable disclosing the details of my crime but I was charged for aggravated assault wih a deadly weapon beliving that I was saving the victim from demon posseession *sheesh* . Everything happened in 3's including my sentence which was a three to six. The thing that baffles me is the fact that i am an extremely non-violent person (can't even kill a cockroach). During my period of hyper-sensitivity or insanity, there were occurances that still make me question what was real and what was just "all in my head". I had no knowledge of certain religous truths and superstitions until after my incarceration, like the Islamic way of not eating with your left hand or the left hand path in general. I was obsessed with avoiding the left hand, and looking out of or being looked at by other peoples left eye. I noticed what I now know as shape shifting (because of this site and other videoos on youtube) in a physician's eyes and was aware of nurses who were witches because they boasted about solstice and referred to Holloween as Samhain. I believed I could read and hear peoples thoughts and that demonic entities including some of the nurses could read my mind. I was confrontational to people both staff and patients who had ill intentions toward others. Soon developed a psychic connection with two very mentally ill seeming patients who were trying to show me how to get out...of what? The matrix. They showed me what not to eat and how to act subliminally without words and when they did talk to me it was indirect as if they were just babbling to themselves. I felt that one of the two guys was watching out for me as i recall a day that I fell asleep in the day room and woke up to strange male patients who rarely frequented the dayroom watching me with perverse looks in their eyes. I awakened startled at the erie feeling of about six eyes staring at me in my sleep. When I noticed the one who watched out for me i felt safe. As we locked eyes it was apparant that he was one of the few who wasn't stalking me in my sleep. his only communication was a subtle head nod in the direction of my room and he went back to spacing out, eyes fixed in another direction. Then one day I decided to just submit to the powers that be and do whatever I had to, to get home to my children. The guys were aware because I no longer followed their silent direction, so the leader of our trio spazzed out and caused a ruckus after a brief psychic exchange between us confirming his suspiscions. The outburst could've been totally random but I intuitively knew what was really going on. I was sharply aware of everything that was going on in reality so the nurses I had rubbed the wrong way made it a point to tell me I wasn't crazy maliscously implying that I commited that horrible act to intentionally hurt the victim. Soon after my surrender I went to jail and about a week after my incarceration my mind was back to normal. I was left with this huge awarenes of the powers of good and evil after years of not even believing in the devil. In my day to day life I avoid rehashing that experience but thoughts and questions of the incident pop into my mind randomly. I try to brush it off as just a bad trip. That old frienemy of mine confirmed that what he gave me wasn't weed. It was pcp, a drug he knows I never use but that he regularly smokes to this day. I stay away from him completely now. His admission was closure to a small portion of the question of wether I was really bi-polar/schizophrenic like the doctor diagnosed me, or not. I never experienced fear like that before or after that situation, but I occassionally have moments of heightened awareness of intangible energies around me mostly negative. I've been home for nearly six months. During my incarceration i felt spiritually free and motivated to pursue my goals, dreamed frequently, and possessed a naturally optimistic aura- something I haven't felt since childhood. I'm still optimistic about my success but now that I'm home, that old familiar blockage has crept back into my life and has a strong hold on my accomplishments. I wonder if it's just me succumbing to the pressure of life as a felon on top of all other obstacles that were apparant throughout my adult life or wether there is really some energy or entity around me focused on keeping me stagnant. Wow, that took alot out of me. Please offer any feedback you have. Thankyou.

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Comment by Anunnaqigirl on February 23, 2011 at 2:07am
This is an interesting subject because i have a family member that's going through the exact same thing as i speak. When you mentioned the weed lacing factor that rang a bell and i had never thought about this to tell the doctor until now. I will make it known to the doctor to check my cousins system for PCP because that can really do some serious damage which is a pandoras box for good and evil.

I just wonder how can you control the dopamine levels in the brain after being exposed to PCP? Theres got to be something that you can take natural that can change the brain back to normal. I guess and pray that my cousin gets better but until then family has to be very and i mean very patient. Were convincing him to act normal as possible so he can be released faster into the population because he he has an outburst they will try to hold him for an extra two weeks for observation. Now with this new law in effect the hippa law this is a tricky thing for anyone to not know what is wrong with a patient. Even if the person who's taking care of the person brings them to the hospital, if the patient doesn't sign the document no one wont be allowed to know what is going on with the patient. It's a catch 22 thing.

What that person did to you was malicious and dangerous. I would avoid that person like the plague. Don't even communicate with him on any level what so ever. Act as if the person doesn't exist. I'm glad i came across this post tonite. This was a message for me to address to the doctor as a possibility factor as to the condition of my cousin.

Be safe out there.
Comment by abdelaziz on September 16, 2010 at 4:52pm
SON thanku 4 ur comment what meant even more is that u can relate. I will definately check out this movie. Can't wait.
Comment by abdelaziz on September 16, 2010 at 12:09pm
thanx so much 4 ur comment Charly. Believe me ,if that wasn't a a wakeup call I don't know what is. I stay away from drugs period & actually I'm partly glad that happened because the desire to smoke has vanished completely. As far as that cousin of mine, the only 1 in my family who's indifferent 2wards my son and I, I left her where she is. There's no desire in me 2 gain her 4giveness. This whole experience turned out 2 be a big lesson in gratitude, patience, & 4giveness. whenever she's ready if that ever happens in this life I'm open 2 recieve her...even still, what made me blog about this was the awareness of some psychic attack that I appears 2 be a random isolated incident on the surface. Call me crazy but I believ that there's more 2 this story than I'm even aware of. Again thanx so much 4 the feedback


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