I wrote this last year, when I was going through some bad times:

Avinaa was sitting in her garden, feeling the effect of all that has transpired. This last battle, really left her rather shaken, saddened!

Her life is so upside down right now, nothing makes sense!

Today she just could not stop her tears; the sadness in her would not be stopped! Tears kept flowing from her and she tried very hard to stem the flow.

Sam came and just held her, rocking her, he understood even if she did not understand, why this was affecting her so much! Dracion, Elron, Ceerack, the dogs, the fairies, all came and just sat with Avinaa and Sam. They also understood. When you start to release the hurt in your life, it is good to have friends that understand!

The Almighty came and looked at Avinaa gently: “Avinaa, why are you crying?”

Avinaa’s anger ignited, how can He ask a question like that, He knew very well, but then she realized that He wanted her to talk about it, by speaking the words she would be able to release it all!

Me: “I am crying because I can, because I want to, because,… just because! I am crying, because I felt all the heart ache and pain that every soul here has ever experienced, when I held them during the battle. I cry for their pain, their loss. I cry for my pain, my loss, as well as everything Sam and I have suffered through, for them. I cry for what Sam and I have ever sacrificed for these souls. I cry for Ray, for the pain he has suffered, most of what seem so unnecessary! I cry because no soul here will ever realize how many has given their lives to keep them save. I cry because they will never know what their safety cost. I cry because no matter how much was sacrificed for them, I will do it again to save them. I cry, because I might never hold my son in my arms and kiss his pain away. I cry, because I might never wrap my arms around Raniak or ride upon his back. I cry, because I might never experience Raniak’s fire with my own eyes. I cry, because I want to walk out into the street and hug the first person I see and tell them I do understand their pain, even though they would think I am insane. I cry, because the souls here will never know how much they are loved! This Father is why I cry, this and because… I can!”

Her body was shaking and even Sam had tears streaming down his face, frankly no-one there had a dry eye. Then she noticed that all of heaven had gathered in her garden.

The Almighty: “Avinaa, your emotions are so much stronger than anyone here, so you experience all this so much deeper than us, but through this, it makes you fight so much harder to save every one of these souls. You are like a mother for all the souls here, something no-one till now have understood. To loose one soul is for you to loose your son all over again! Even when you discipline a soul it was always out of love not out of malice. You love so much that you have adopted every soul here as your own child. (The Almighty looked perplexed; they never really understood this girl till now!) We all see now!”

Avinaa: “Yes!” tears still streaming “Yes! All the hurt they feel, I feel, Dracus has always said that this or that soul will never make it. I always believed that all souls have worth and I would spend more times with those other rejected. I believe like a mother in every soul here. Is one soul worth more than another? No, that is not right. Every soul has its path, even the dark ones, they just need the right amount of love, and instead all of you are hitting them with every bad experience possible until they loose hope. Why! Do you not see that beating them into submission has not worked this far! Where is the love, why have you all lost your love? Why when a person is down you withhold even more making them suffer so much more than was needed. Have I not showed you so many times that by giving a little at a time souls grow, yes they makes mistakes, so have all of us here. Look at what you have put me through, I made it through will, most souls are not as mature. They need more good things to happen to them, it raises their vibrations. This is also a reason I am crying like this. Look how deep the corruption has gone; it has even corrupted pure love!”

Avinaa was shaking even more, and stopped to regain a little control! “During the battle and after in the Hall, when all was cheering, that was the first time, I have experienced real love, the love that all of you have forgotten. This is the love I feel for every soul here, x 7. I never want to loose one soul here, as I have lost my son. Every soul lost is a soul that has suffered, and their suffering affects the other souls, not always in a positive way. Yes, they have lessons to learn, but little rewards make their suffering so much more bearable. Do you see why I am crying! You all called me a monster, but do you understand why I was acting like one!”

Shakily she got up, and went into the tree of life. She followed a tunnel with little stone lamps at intervals on the ground. Her tears have finally stopped, but the sadness was still very raw. She came to a cavern and in the cavern was a massive old silver Dragon, he was sleeping.

Avinaa walked to his nose and sat down waiting. His eyes fluttered open and she looked into his ancient eyes.

He: “Avinaa, old friend, it is a pleasure to see you again.”

She just bowed. He was the first friend she has ever made eons and eons ago!

He: “Avinaa you are sad, yet you have found your son?”

Avinaa: “Was the price paid to find him, not too high old friend!”

He: “No, a mother’s love will give all it has and more to save a child.” He laughed softly “You have paid dearly, but now you have many children. Do you remember the prophesy you were given at the beginning of your currant life path so many year back?”

Avinaa: “Yes I do, I am finally seeing the extent of what was meant. The children of the lonely are more than the children of the married. Yes, I see that now, all the soul are my children now! They need a mother.”

He: “Make your tent wide and do not hinder them when they make it larger!”

Avinaa: “Yes, I remember!”

He: You will break out left and right and your children will take over nations!”

Avinaa: “All the souls are all the nations!” He laughed again softly.

He: “and all that stand up against you will fall over you!”

Avinaa, “Oh dear friend I realize all this.”

He: “Then why are you still sad. Is it that you still yearn for something?”

Avinaa “Yes, friend, I have been given so much, and yet my heart still yearn for my dream, maybe it is a silly dream compared to all this.”

He: “Avinaa, be like the water element in you, flow like water and let it take you to where you need to go!”

Avinaa: “Thank you friend for reminding me!”

Avinaa kissed his nose and he settled back to sleep. She left quietly!

Avinaa thought “Flow like the water and let it take you where you need to go! Yes, that is all I have left, fighting against all that is within me, gets me nowhere. The river is going to take me where I need to go, whether I like it or not! Stop fighting who you are, face where you are taken and push forward.” She stood there looking out at her garden, the sadness is still there, but it is a little more bearable! She has a great responsibility towards all that is, whatever she want, does not matter anymore!

All that matter now is the safety of the souls in her charge! The life that she wanted will never come to pass, the life she was forced to submit to, is all that matter now!