As I have been up all night perhaps this is not the best time to write this post. As I am working to gain knowledge and to bring myself to a higher level I find I met with resistance. From others and from myself. I am not sure if this is a normal reaction to the changes. I am obtaining the knowledge but at times I have difficulty with the application. I also have noticed that sometimes those that appear or claim to have reached a certain level have a certain arrogance about them. This appears if I ask questions, or express some concern and the reply I always seem to get is that if I think negatively then I will attract negative, and that my thoughts manifest. This I already know.

With the understanding that each is on their own path I do feel that it is not a bad thing to offer support and encouragement. That is why I am trying to cultivate connections with those who either have knowledge or are seekers, like myself. But it does become difficult trying to sort through those who have made a business of enlightenment and those who are true teachers.

A major reason I became dissatisfied with organized religion was due to the fact that people always seem to try to out-do each other. Such as I am more Christian or more Muslim than you. I am also finding this in the conscious community. Those who make the judgement that they are more conscious than the next. Oh my head is spinning.

Perhaps I am hoping to find a magic key that will make everything align. Some bit of information that will click the switch and keep it on. I know this is not how things work. I do understand it is a continuing process. It has been a lonely journey. But I will continue on. 

Thanks for reading my rantings.


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Comment by Jon Vincent on December 6, 2011 at 5:46pm   woops didn't embed properly.

Thanks for sharing Karen.  

Comment by Jon Vincent on December 6, 2011 at 5:44pm

I do share with your feeling of trying to find that "magic key."  

One day I just got it, and realize how foolish I was and laughing about serious I made certain things to be.  It doesn't mean of course to be irresponsible, but its a matter of knowing that you are where you are supposed to be, and when you are ready you'll just get it - all that truly matters is consistent effort.   

If there's anything I've experienced so far is that no one has all the answers.  I just laugh and some of the ideas of grandeur I used to have - mostly ego based, messianic and dualistic approach about how I was going to go out there and to save the world, only realizing that the only way to truly make any changes is to change yourself.   

When you wrote about how you have diffiulty with the application of knowledge, I feel you.  

It's that feeling like "I know what I'm supposed to do, but why am I not doing it..?"

I think one thing I had to do to overcome certain blocks was to really look deep into myself and face the ugly truth - to really look at my weakness, heal many buried traumas I had in the past.   

When we are brutally honest with ourselves, a certain kind of humility sets in, and we realize how much we didn't know.  Which is always a good thing, because its that kind of character that will enable to to continually experience growth - this in turn makes us less judgemental, less dualistic.   Once cultivated, we are in a more balanced state, where we ourselves are not judging the speaker or the author, we are in a sense just taking the essence of their ideas, to innerstand, expand, and grow.    

Then you realize "woah... i've been making things way to complicated... simplicity sets in, and boom... things start rolling"   Because truth is everywhere, and once we're able to see it in every aspect of our lives, we learn lessons at a much faster pace, because we can see or learn from it right there, with our own experience. 

This book may help with some insight.  Worth a read. "stages of the path/journey" 

This book is interesting as well: its about farming, simplicity, value of life etc..
Comment by Azu Kosmos on November 27, 2011 at 2:09pm

Thank you for your encouraging words Juraj. I have started to experience some instances of deja vu. Usually when this happens it causes me to pause and wonder if I had a dream of the experience or something else. Next time it happens I will look at it differently. Also another thing I notice is signs, I mean literal signs. I was trying to find a shop yesterday and could not remember the street when on the side of the road there was a sign for the shop advertising a sale and giving the exact number of streets to pass before turning. This has happened a lot. Not covert signs but real actual signs answering a question I may have.  Thank you again for reading my rantings and you kind words.

Comment by Zbojnick on November 27, 2011 at 1:25pm

Thank you for sharing your rantings with us Karen, I feel what you mean.

About the "switch" you mentioned: I learned recently from many different sources, including personal experience, that the familiar feeling of de ja vue is an assurance that you are on the right path in life. If I were you I would look out for that. I hope this helps. Wholeness


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