At age 16 it was all about getting high, finding an altered state of consciousness in the name of fun, and escapism. Could not have known at that time that i was laying groundwork for what I would become. Like most in my country, i was indoctrinated by the TV, the Nintendo (actually atari, but i'm dating myself, aren't I?) the radio. I was a young soul destined to be a great citizen, taxpayer, and consumer.
I had always had the feeling that the church was b*******. In my own young mind, reason dictated that God would not put a man between me and him, and base my spiritual faith on something other than the creator. At 16, this was common sense. I saw huge spectacles of ritual, they called it tradition, I called it idolatry, the church was more about the church than the people, or the creator. I always considered myself buddhist, or some other religion i knew nothing about, because at a very young age I found out that time is an illusion, a construct of memory and the desire to be relevant. I found that the present moment was all there was, thinking myself ahead of the game, this belief would cause me great heartbreak and sorrow, as I was stuck in duality at a very young age. The future would find me basing a very intelligent belief structure on this present moment mentality, this would cause great rifts between myself and my friends, family, teachers, everyone. These rifts caused me to stop trying to be right, stop trying to tell people my ideas on things. I graduated high school with a 2.2 GPA and a 165 i.q, I cared not to do the lessons, practice was for those who needed it, I could, at will, test in the top 1%, i needed only desire to do so, and it came easy. My instructors (not teachers) caused me much guilt about my lethargy, i was not about to "play" their game. I would be me, and f*** anyone who had a problem with that.
The present moment mentality expanded, i realized that we are all a part of a greater whole. This was no profound notion, though i came to this conclusion myself. I had the ability to think everything to its end, which always ended in paradox. I could argue both halves of the balance and became the consummate "devil's advocate" a term with great negative stigma given to anyone who chooses to think for themselves, or examine all sides of an issue, before making conclusions.
Such kids will not find peace in this world...so i thought, and accepted my fate, and remained blind, as though I had the only telescope in existence, but no window to look through.
I became a very successful professional, a specialist, needed, wanted, and most importantly, paid.
There was always a loneliness though, a need to connect with the creator, a need to feel like a part, and a need for there to be a purpose, a need to find people who thought like I did. My greatest fear was pointlessness.
Drugs quelled this fear for many years. My drug of choice was always LSD, i was fortunate enough to have access, and did partake quite often. All told, I have done far too many hallucinogens to be proud of, but oh, what I have experienced, oh, what I have learned. I have done copious amounts of LSD, Psilocybin, DMT, Salvia, Inhalants, cannabis, etc... later in life, as resources increased, MDMA, harmaline, ayahuasca, exotics such as 5-MeO-Dipt, 2cb, and my favorite, 2ct7. I do not now condone misuse of substances, but i can easily tell you that although Salvia and DMT are a stronger, faster experience, there is no mystical substance greater than 2ct7. Thank you Dr. Shulgin!
So, I had, what I now know, are hundreds if not thousands of induced mystical experiences, all of which confirmed the duality of the universe, the great balance, the action/reaction. But in none of these experiences did I find what I truly sought, my purpose in this life. In fact, the most I believe one can get out of the use of substances without clear intention or meditation, is that we are here to emit LOVE. This is true in many ways, but it is not the whole truth.
Ultimately, chemicals are false illumination, if one believes that these notions are external. I searched around the country for work, and enlightenment, it never occurred to me the greater plan.
I found much fun, many people of all kinds of faiths, ideas, beliefs, but I found no teachers. It would be many years before I would let go of my condescension and accept that I was as dumb as anyone out there, and that my definition of teacher needed a fundamental shift in nature.
Skip to me now, 34, still seeking, but now, more a realization of enlightenment. I believe there is no other purpose for man in this world, than to learn truths, accept responsibilities that come with those truths, and apply them to their lives. I am still a baby, learning the world, but these days, I consider possibilities.
I would meet a friend named Kevin, who shared my suspicions of the way things are, and why we do the things we do. He would share important information with me, scary information about the construct of our society, its origins, its hidden secrets, and the people who hide these things. I became obsessed with digging deeper and deeper, I would find example after example of how the world was engineered toward the dehumanization and de-literation of the common people. I used to think that i was just getting older, turning into my dad when he said "i cant believe what you kids watch on tv, or the music you find entertaining". Dad was right, the world was getting dumber, we were going backwards.
It was only natural to end up at the question that most of us begin at...
"What are they hiding? what is so important that generations upon generations of good people could not know it at any cost? What is so valuable in this world that mass murder would be dished out more commonly than food? Why would great wars be created as a distraction to this secret?
The next year would bring me answers to all of these questions. I would watch amazing works of love, such as "Kymatica" and "The Esoteric Agenda" by Ben Stewart. I would see "The Arrivals" and learn from long gone teachers such as Bill Hicks, and William Cooper... I would marvel at the insights of Gregg Braden, David Icke, Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, so many others. I would watch and read countless works. I would remember, ultimately, that I had a soul, that I AM a soul. That day was my birthday, and it has been my birthday every day since.
It is important to note that I no longer fear the works against us, I love my enemies, as I love my friends, because only Love will endure (Thanks Neil Young). I joined a school of MetaPhysics and am applying the principles in daily life. I now know that there are laws of the universe, laws which are infallible, and constant. I know now that thought is cause. I am equipped to go on my journey now, and I know how to find value in the tools available to me. I have purpose, which is to be a teacher to those who would learn, and put forth the effort in becoming a whole self. I still have the desire to be free, free from this monetary machine, free from obligation to take part in a blind society of slaves. I have realized that all of the people of the world are my teacher, because there is something to be learned in every experience of every day, this is wisdom, and it is growth.
I discovered the resistance, a group of people who are interested in ascension, very much people of similar purpose, who desire freedom, and truth, and love, and the advancement of all mankind. The resistance is led by Sevan, a person who at first I found quite extreme and almost on the fringe of irrationality. I realized by reading his works and listening to his words, that he was a person of extraordinary detail and inhuman volume of knowledge. I quickly realized that this person had received stupefying amounts of information that even the most creative minds could not fathom, disregarding the integrity of his ideas and the subtle details that link it all together, it was as though he not only knew the roadmap, but the names of every piece of grass along the way.
I am glad to be a part of Sevan's community now and I listen ever intently. The law of attraction rules that since I seek knowledge, I will find it. I am beginning my journey to enlightenment, and fulfilling my life's purpose, which is to remember who and what we are, and go from there, into infinity, as loved and as love.
Our story is not the same, but what we are is, we are the future, and the past, and the ever-present.
We are One.