New information was revealed to me about this life. . . Now my head is in a whirlpool of confusion : /

So recently I have had an experience were I guess you could say I "awakened". Now tons of questions are popping in my head like : If God is everyone and everything & we are everyoneone and everything, why does society now, or why has society for so many years tried to make that statement seem "wrong". In the bible, the first story actually claims this thought to be so wrong that Adam and Eve were banished from paradise because they had "awoken" & the snake had promised them that they would be like Gods. I feel like this story and many other views are just ways that corrupted people have tried to force everyone to think a certain way. . . Idk am I wrong? I feel like everything I thought was true before is a lie, well most of it. That death is not something we should fear and that what we see physically is not all that's there because this universe is endless and endless in dimensions and possibilities. We are literally an endless cycle. Please do not take offense if your religion believes in the one God btw! I am not saying that the God concept does not exist. I just think that instead of seeing him as a man on a thrown controlling everything, he is us and everyone and everything (vise/versa) and WE control what happens to us and everyone and everything. Our thoughts just move at a much slower rate in this dimension. . . . . 

Okay, back to the beginning, what is toying with me are my past beliefs. My whole life I have been with the idea of a God above me in a chair. . . . I am sinning thinking this other way? Why can't I just accept it?

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THANK YOU FOR THESE BOOKS!!!!!!!!! I just STARTED conversations with god and OMG I love this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really needed that thank you! and yes you are correct :3

Haha yes, I feel like we are all in this process!

we all learn to us e our brains by conditioning process via whatever system in force I mean force because it is forced on all from an early age through the matrix schooling system ie, reading left to right and other taught processes. Our brains have a right hemisphere which is arty and unlimited  and a left hemisphere which is analytical and logical which can be dominant over the right side which will slow you down when trying to reach enlightenment. To be fair we should be balanced from an early age  ideally from age 3 so that the right and left hemisphere process and filter more or less same time scale and because most of us cycle in 7 year scales of waking to enquire about the world the universe and everything in order to facilitate our own development by being able to leave the matrix as in one foot in both places we need to learn to balance our brains ourselves in a way that is harmless which can and should take a while. Leave no stone unturned and question everything. Otherwise we are all trying to run in a race with one foot nailed to the floor so to speak.

Well Said..

Hi Sarai..I am only speaking for myself when i say this.I relate to your situation very much and am excited for you. Your on a path for truth and Understanding...

As i think we all are..I wish you the best on this amazing journey.

My biggest challenge in trying to see what the Theory of Everything (TOE) is. Is not inserting myself in IT. Killing my EGO has been the hardest part.  I subconsciously or consciously insert myself into the number crunching because i want a certain answer for fear i may not like what i discover.. And by doing so, poison the results.  I am poisoned and corrupted by my cultural conditioning. 

My advice to you is to do this with love,allot of patience. And kill your ego..

Best hunting...And please share your findings..:)


Maybe the idea of 'killing' the ego (or anything for that matter) is part of the block.  There is so much hoopla about getting rid of the ego, I wonder heavily if that isn't a dilemma in and of it self.  As Alan Watts says (and I'm paraphrasing here) about desire - "This state of affairs is known technically as the "double-bind." A person is put in a double-bind by a command or request which contains a concealed contradiction..."  In essence, when you want to rid yourself of desire (ego) then you are in fact desiring to do so, thereby becoming infinitely looping.

In my own innerstandings, an ego is an egg.  It can be seen as a shell or a construct of some sort that allows for protection and for birthing.  The ego(egg) itself should be seen as something that expands exponentially in all directions and in all dimensions -with your 'ah-ha' moments, and not something that is to be broken/shattered or killed.  Such I think may be a bit of the riddle as to the chicken and the egg.

Maybe not seeing the ego as the 'enemy' to be 'killed' but as Sevan points out, it should be flipped over and ridden like a beast.  The ego as a primary point of deciphering 'reality'/'actuality' and being the decision maker seems to be the source of confusion.  If we are to however, put our ego in it's correct place, we will realize that it is the ego that can participate in the experience and help to steer your ship to places that are stimulating and appealing to you.  



Very thoughtful response to the ego. I am a big fan of Alan Watts. :) I must digest your response and meditate on it. Your point about infinitely looping made me dizzy..:) Paradox or catch 22..Thanks for being so thoughtful..Off to digest your reply.

You're welcome pep.  

Initially the Catch 22 turns into the Paradox (Pair of docks).  This is where the ego/egg comes into play.  You have a dual plane of docking points in which you choose what attracts you the most.  It is only a paradox until you make a decision. 

Consider the idea this way.  When you are born, do you 'have' an ego?  When do your memories start? If you have an experience but can't remember it, or triangulate it to attain some wisdom from, then what is the purpose of said event?  

So, this idea of an ego, is it 'yours'?  Or does it constantly spit out past events and future scenarios based on limited perspective of a limitless, boundless universe?  If we lived in a universe that didn't have some set of definable parameters then there would only be a sloppy mess of events with no discernible patterns or 'events'... In essence, it would be a glob of indifference.

In other words, everything has to have some use/value, so why would the ego be any different?  If you were without an ego, you basically would be swimming in full lotus for eternity without an event occurring, or a 'choice'/pair of docks to be interested in participating in.  

The ego seems to be a tool used for discrepancy, that can funnel past/future scenarios into the center of the torsion field and make a choice to determine the event horizon.  In a sense, the ego runs a similar job/function as the aura.  The aura/area is the same as the egg/ego.  See the correlation? One sets the boundaries (aura) and the other(ego) points to and navigates in the field that it has mathematics to correspond with and decides what it is attracted to/desires to fulfill expanding the field of aura... nested energy/portal system that allows expansion of consciousness through implosion of energy..


Does that help a bit?


Wow Zen, just as I was coming back into the room to add to the ego argument you hit me with..."it's only a paradox till I make a decision."

Brain hurts right now..think I just sprained my hippocampus...back to ponder more...


Just try to keep in mind that tradition does not equal truth... Truth is in observation, knowledge & experience. "God" is generic word, a blanket statement or word like "Food". It does not describe or denote anything specific it lacks context or content...  Here you will learn a lot about words & their uses & abuses...  Never Stop Asking Questions...  Welcome :)

HI Sarai,

thanks for sharing your story, it an amazing experience you are having right now and might find it hard to find people to sync with at the moment. Im happy to hear you have woken up, you are asking all the right questions, I found it helpful to break down the foundation of our society with information about the illuminati, media control, terrorist events, music industry, politics and the fear and anxious state the so called controllers manage to put our fellow brothers and sisters in.

I went very deep for about 2-3 years into the conspiracy stuff, it was amazing and I still find it fascinating how they managed to get a hold on us, as vital as it is to know this information, please dont get lost in just that information alone, I found it can become a trap, I have a few friends stuck in this reality and they are finiding it hard to jump across to self awareness and exploring what spirituality is or dreaming. If you stay true to yourself you will be fine.

Good luck on your journey.




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