You said something very key, in closing - "your mind has become very loud of late."
It sure does seems like you have got a lot on you mind, and there are all valid concerns. I've found that incorporating some kind of meditation practice into your daily life does decrease the mind chatter that's taking place. It probably won't be easy at first, but as these thoughts continue to flow, just observe them and allow them to fade away. In time they will become less and less, giving you the space to see clearer.
There's nothing wrong with having various interests - at least you are using much discernment. We have so many people in our society who just "follow" because it's the "In thing" to do. At least you have a keen sense of where your interest lies.
Don't beat yourself up too much. Do what you can, by first taking the steps that you know will further your path along. Every step counts. You've addressed many of your own concerns; take the necessary steps needed for you to become much healthier. I don't think I need to mention what those are.
And try not to judge yourself so much... there's nothing wrong with wanting material things..absolutely not... but I get the impression that you somehow feel guilty for wanting these things, and that by having the desire for such that you are not spiritual. This is certainly not the case; I guess what it all boils down to is; your "reason" for wanting them. Are your wants and desires based on what is in alignment with "Amir" or are they based on someone else's opinion of what they think you should like, do, want, need etc..
At the risk of sounding like a broken record; give meditation I try. It works wonders! They're a lot of tools available here, and if you haven't as yet, check out the introductory section on the site for new members. It has helped me tremendoulsy, and still is, as I am fairly new here as well.
It's all a process in the right direction!
It seems like you have a conflicting mind. Just as feeding the body healthy foods is essential, it is just as important what we feed the mind as well. I think I have an idea as to what you mean by "aggressive rap" - so if you can find a way to find that balance, where your rap reflects who you are, and not who you were, then I think this will dissolve some of the inner war taking place; so to speak.
Music is a very powerful and influential medium. You maybe listening and dropping lyrics that just aren't conducive to your true nature. I personally favor rap to a certain extent (depending on my mood lol), but I am mindful of what I listen to, as words do have a way of infiltrating the mind, and depending on what you're feeding it, it will manifest in ways contrary to your liking.
Here's a few rap songs I came across. You probably have heard them before, but I thought I'd run them by you:
This last video might be of interest to you as well. This individual has started a new infrastructure geared at promoting youth artists in two areas; new age hip-hop and starseed renaissance.
I've tuned into some of his videos that are more about astrology, and stumbled on this one a few months back.
Good luck Amir!
Congratulations in making the conscious effort toward innerstanding, Amir. It's been my experience that the universe, or what I also think of as my oversoul, is always providing a customized curriculum relevant to what is required to emancipate oneself. It sounds like you've cued into this going on and you're doing the work. I see it as sometimes we get the point being conveyed and sometimes we may miss it, in which cases we are bound to repeat in some subsequent appeal. I always enjoyed the mental aspect of dissecting oneself, so for the past months I've been pouring thru the countless radio shows Sevan has up, and have gained such limitless insights that it's been invaluable in decoding everything going on around me. I've also been going at it heavy on the bodily level with re-educating myself on nutrition, biology, etc etc, and restructuring my consumptions around these revelations. The combination of those things have sped up my progression so much, I feel like every day is light years of progress compared to before. I don't consider myself to have the best advice, but I think it's been relatively easy to approach the cleanse on that physical level, which, seems to make it easier on the mental level as things seem to move themselves out of your way (or rather you're moving them). Also, have found the crystals to be excellent friends to have along the path. Man, I've always been a hiphop head too, but it's funny after a lot of decoding you can go back and listen to something and don't identify with it in the glorified sense I used to, cuz you see what allegories/concepts/archetypes being pushed and have already decided on something more cohesive for your MO. My advice would be mainly to stay active, stay moving forward, no matter how that manifests, you may make mistakes, but as far as I can tell, as long as the repercussions aren't too damaging it can be a viable way to learn. This site is definitely geared for that action.. there's all kinds of application you can dig out on here. As Sevan says, stay vigilant as not to fall back asleep. Our consumptions can definitely be attenuated to clean up our perceptions, so the innerstanding becomes a much smoother vein to tap into. Wholeness brother.