Greetings and Wholeness resistance posters!
I need some insight to a nagging situation I have, and I hope some of my Resistance sisters and brothers can point me in the right direction to find healing. I have been on a search, approximately 2 years now, for answers to a "spiritual injury" I incurred. I was initiated into Masonry in 2005, however I never practiced the craft fully until 2010. I picked up my working tools again to do research to the ongoing myth of Illuminati Satan etc. In my search I stumbled upon Albert Pike's "Morals and Dogma". I began to read Pike's book, not realizing it was an initiatory book. The first few chapters of the book shared cursory knowledge about the craft and the esoteric worldview. It was not until Pike made a declarative statement to "stop reading beyond this point if you are not truly ready to live this knowledge" or something similar to that notion that things began to get awkward.
Being intentionally brazen I continued to read on, and as I read I felt myself changing. I do not remember the specifics of the material, but I do know that my perception began to change as I was exposed to Pike's writing. I continued to read, and as i pushed forward i came across more and more esoteric and philosophic terms I did not know. Additionally, Pike said things that appeared morally ambiguous and I did not know how to accept his different worldview. Even though things became awkward I still felt compelled to continue reading, and one day "it" happened.
I was reading Pike's book and out of nowhere a "mountain" of spiritual consciousness landed on my head, and I was immediately compelled to pray, intensely. I felt so thankful for this unknown awareness and feeling I could only rejoice while being consumed in meditation. Upon finishing my initial prayer within my elevated consciousness, I went outside and the sky was literally bluer, I could see the intimate details of the trees even from long distances, and I could stare into the sun unlike any other time in my life. I felt a strong gravity of reality, as though I was connected to the earth unlike any other time in my life. When I would go to church, the atmosphere was different, as though i was "above" everyone else, and I could feel who had the strongest spirit in church. There was one instance where I know I almost saw Jesus on the cross as the preacher went through a closing litany describing the wounded healer, as though i was being teleported to to Calvary. Additionally, I had a sexual encounter with girlfriend at the time that felt "right" and "holy", where both of us were compelled to chant in mantra "Oh my GOD" during intercourse, as though we were both being pleasantly controlled. However, this consciousness came with a price.
The price was for me to be completely obedient to it, at all times. The urges that came with it called me to act against my understanding of evil in the world. It was nothing monumental, but I felt compelled to destroy "evil" looking graffiti around my neighborhood, I felt compelled to pray for persons whom I knew clung to negativity, and I became an advocate for a coworker who everyone ridiculed. Additionally, I was obsessed with masonic symbols. Any geometric shape I saw I had to give a 2nd or 3rd look to, feeling as though the 2nd or 3rd glance would aid my ability to see through them, and through reality itself. Also, all mythological stories had intense gravity to them, and I saw "in the beginning" almost everywhere I went.
Then one day it all went downhill. One day at work I actually participated in making fun of our office pariah, and immediately after I felt a "twitch" in my head that "sprung a leak" in my consciousness. I could literally feel the gravity of my awareness slowly dripping up, and out of my mind like a leaky faucet, "drip drip", only upward instead of downward This drip continued for about two weeks, and one day it hit critical mass.
I had purchased the Halo animated series (Halo the video game for those who dont know) which told the back story of the game, and fleshed out the game's universe. I popped in the blueray and the opening cinematic began "in the beginning in a galaxy far off from earth" and it seemed as tho my consciousness wanted to literally jump into the mythology of the video game. As my consciousness attempted to transition into an unreal dimension, my consciousness bounced back, and a "creaky door" sound resonated through my head, and immediately after the constant drip of loosing consciousness began to flood though, as though someone actually turned on the faucet. To properly describe it, the drip (which was dripping upward) bust through my mental seems and began to furiously flow out of my head.
I was sitting still, but it felt as though I was falling. I felt a cool breeze brushing against my head, and it felt as though my brain was exposed to the atmosphere, like the cover of my crown was pried open with a crowbar and I couldnt close it because the latch was broken. This flow was extremely disturbing and frightening for I knew something bad was happening because it was painful, and I was extremely fearful I have done something that i would never recover from.
The draining of consciousness eventually stopped, and I only retained maybe half of the gravitational awareness I had. Now the drip turned into a constant ticking and popping sound inside my head that I would hear and feel constantly. Additionally, whenever I swallowed it felt as though the back of my tongue was going to jump into the base of my brain, or the base of my brain was going to be swallowed down my esophagus. It started off as annoying, but after a week it grew painful. As this pain continued, I attempted to finish Pike's book, but it was like my brain could not even decipher the words written anymore, almost as though it was not written in English anymore. As time passed, the constant ticking, popping, and shifting throat problem intensified, and my sense of falling became almost constant. To make it even worse, my left eye developed a serious twitch, and it always felt as though there was something covering it, almost like the christian concept of "scales over the eyes".
All of this reached a tragic climax one night after smoking marijuana and drinking beer. I was not heavily intoxicated, but I knew something was wrong when I began my drive home after finishing my smoking session. Internally I felt the falling sensation again, and the cool breeze of my "exposed" brain slapped me in the face and it literally paralyzed me in my car. I managed to ring a my girlfriend who came to my aid, and she called 911. While waiting all I could do was scream in terror as I felt like something was literally snatching my soul out of my body, like it was being sucked right out of my crown. The paramedics came, and I began to speak in tongues (xenolalia). For anyone who knows about the black church experience, speaking in tongues "the unknown language" is a big deal. I had never done that before until this terrifying moment.
As the paramedics carried me to the hospital my xenolalia intensified, and I began using a tone of voice that was not my own. All of this was happening while I had the intense flow of consciousness fleeing my crown chakra. Eventually the episode stopped, and the hospital began to drug me for a week straight. For an entire week I felt as though I "wasn't present". I knew I was in my body, but it seemed as though I had receded into some far off corner of my consciousness that delayed all my reactions. People would ask me questions and it would take 5-10 seconds before i was able to respond.
Additionally, my crown, pineal gland, and throat were severely injured, and the extreme discomfort remained, this time with my crown feeling as though it could crumble at any minute, like the inside of my brain was going to collapse on itself. Over time I had some healing, however even to this day the same discomfort persists. It was not until 2012 that I began to study sandskrit religion and learned about chakras and kundalini, which is why I know how to use the terms now. From what I know now, I realize I had an intense kundalini experience gone terribly wrong that I feel almost killed me. So even now I feel I have a spiritual injury for when I have any rising experiences, they are accompanied with the reminder that my crown, pineal gland, and throat have some type of scar tissue that seemingly will never be repaired.
All of this worries me because I feel as though it has not gotten any better. Some days I feel nothing, and other days I find myself having to think twice before I swallow, for I know if i swallow at the wrong moment, I will feel as though my pineal gland will crumble. Additionally, I sometimes have lapses in thought, where I can actually feel the left and right hemispheres of my brain failing to connect as I try to articulate a thought, which gives me awkward pauses, and sometimes random twitches. I have to keep constant awareness of this condition, for the moment I relax that's the moment I feel my mind slip.
So I am writing all of this hoping to see if I can find any answers, comparative stories, or any particular knowledge that will further explain what happened to me. Most importantly, I would like to know if there are any healing techniques I could use to repair my damaged energy centers. I feel I need some help because at this point I am unsure of I can maintain the balance of oneness because I feel fleeting moments of divine unity, only for the slightest lapse in concentration gives me discomfort. I have been carrying this burden in secret for the past two years, and the stress wears on me, and I fear that something worse may happen soon if I dont get relief, for I constantly keep a hint of negativity with me as i worry about my injury.
So if anyone in the resistance can provide me with any piece of light, I would greatly appreciate it, for I know I need healing so I can move forward.
DarkMatter1111 i greatly appreciate the website reference. I have been captivated by the material discussed on there. Reading elcollie has given me MANY MANY many answers that I have been seeking, its literally putting puzzle pieces of my psyche back together! Because of it ive been able to get back on my positive vibrations and visualizations, which lead to a huge development in a project i have been working on in the matter of a few hours. Thanks again!
Reid Sessions, I know i got burned, but i am unsure if it was because of the dark magic explicitly. From my recent studies over kundalini i am seeing there is a frequent link between fear and injury. Of course its not an exact science, however the recent testimonies I have read consistently show that if one has a misconception of spiritual forces that yield an out of balance understanding of good and evil it can lead to a bad experience. Additionally, the kundalini rising may invite some to face their greatest fear, and i realize that is what was happening to me. Due to my lack of knowledge at the time i attempted to resist the awakening because it was a fearful experience, in my resistance i tried to close my opening(s) while energy much stronger than i was freely flowing. In doing so it lead to the injury i described above.
However, I still want to her what you have to offer indeed. Please come back to me with whatever is given to you, id appreciate it!
I felt a strong resonance with your story and would like to share some tools I have added to my kit that have helped me since my activations - my first was in 1999 through abusing LSD which left my aura with giant holes and my psyche expanded but unable to integrate, I found my kinesologist and homeopathics greatly assisted the physical repairs, I also sought out a spiritual counsellor - non denominational - who could help me integrate the other dimensional experiences that mainstream health authorities would have happily committed me for! At the age of 33 my kundalini awoke through an intense detox and yoga practice, my heightened awareness and potency of my energies did not connect well with the 3D world and my sister took me to a hospital which prescribed meds I felt that I was unable to reconnect to the awoken energies for a period of time. HOWEVER - after completing a weekend workshop which involved Holotrophic Breathwork, I once again connected to the heightened awareness, this time I managed to work diligently on integrating the energies - it is not easy, it tested me to the enth degree, with a few bumps and crashes along the way. I strongly agree with Marie and Crystal's suggestions as well as diarising all dreams and daily thoughts, daily GROUNDING your energies to your earth star chakra, and diligently clearing your chakras and light bodies. Chinese Medicine, acupuncture to clear & strengthen your meridans, massage, saunas, and daily gentle exercise such as Mantak's work have all been part of my integration as well as the products recommended on this site. My studies this year in Transpersonal Counselling have led me to the concepts of spiritual emergence & spiritual crisis. The most important thing I would suggest though is to TRUST your inner truth and knowing - one man's poison is another's medicine!
WBV & Smiles
Great advice here all around, I'll see if I can add anything.
On repairing the crown chakra specifically as I keep blowing mine to a lesser degree, it takes a bit of time for the physical energetic connections or meridians to restablish but its the quickest one out of all to open, once already opened, in my opinion. The grounding work for the chakra below it usually helps, so forehead to the floor for example for the pineal helps ground the one above it. This always helps me heal that area, rolling the neck or head gently, meditating and crystal work (just resting them there with intent) with healing crystals has always helped sooth it.
If you let anyone else help with your back, acupuncturists etc, make sure they know plenty about the chakras first. You don't want people touching it that have just heard of them briefly, you specifically want people who take care of themselves and you.
Just becoming more self organised through meditation, is like reversing time for the body to a more healed state, so all the mechanics for that apply. Fractal living (see dan winter or I'll post links), eating raw or living foods (non cut with your hands or wooden implements), healthy emotions, balanced life, not wearing metal or sitting around computers/mobile phones all day. Sky is the limit as to how far you take it but its in your ability right now to heal everything, to go as far as you like. For men getting the testosterone up for example is important, which is killed by having a mobile phone next to your hip all day, not getting any exercise or not having a healthy sexual relationship.
I cannot say grounding the chakra below works the same for each higher chakra but feel it would, as grounding by laying down on grass for example helps the body remove some of the electrical charge. Two states really, taking on that electrical charge to balance the environment around you which is inherently at the moment out of balance (negative), makes you more electrical, while the grounding helps you feel more and allows your emotions to catch up, otherwise one can get ahead of the other.
I hope some of this is helping, as nobody had ever explained in the past to me why grounding was important except to say it was as you are moving energy, but not 'just energy' as energy is all life so it applies to all aspects of it. If you want to be able to hold more charge specifically having a look at the energy storage centers may be helpful and how you can work on those, Dan Tien and the Door of Life for example.
I could go on forever and am told I often do :) but I hope that helped as a start.
What you had experienced my friend was an awakening of your pineal gland and kundalini activation. But what you didn't realize was that it clicked on in HIGH VIBRATION MODE. I had a family member experience this exact same thing and you have to remember that some people dont' get activated until they're ready to be activated. Now with the smoking of weed, that may have intensified it some to a degree and with all of these chemicals that they lace weed with, that may have done a little damage but not much. What you need is an ORI cleaning . See you have the physical body head and a spiritual body head and at times they can become out of sync when you experience information that is profound it's hard for the brain to digest it. So the brain fights with itself to deprogram what was programmed in it before. You need to sit with a Yoruba initiated priest who is experienced with these matters and can get your self back together. Now with the speaking in tongue, that may have been a vehicle of one of your ancestors trying to find the right frequency as i say to connect with you. See. everyone has a certain tone that they vibrate on and this is also true with spiritual connection. Some people are able to see them speak with them or hear them. Don't be afraid!
There are many of us who are star children, or contactees who have been knowing that something is just not right about this planet and at the right time of evolution your antennas get set and the frequency connection is made. Thus multitudes of energy is flowing overwhelmingly to the point that you feel that you cant handle it and start to shut down. I can refer you to someone in the ATL area who is damn good and he doesnt b******* you or charge some astronomical fees for what you need to get done for your own growth. See we have to be in contact with our ancestors and at this time the frequency has changed and our ancestors are connecting with us to help us. Get crystal books, read up on healing herbs, listen to music that is soothing,, i recommend Andreas Vollenweilder and Kitaro. They are soothing tones for your chakras to heal and harmonize with the body. None of that boom boom crap... If you have any other questions inbox me and ill respond back ASAP.
There is no "cure" for awakening because you arent sick with anything, so actually its best that you remain calm, for all is well with you Shane. I assure you there is nothing "wrong" with you, you are simply being overwhelmed by your brain and spirit being put to use unlike anything its ever done before. The first thing you should do Shane is take a break from marijuana. I am no master, but I would say at least a good 30 days no marijuana and stop cigarettes at all costs (if you smoke any), so you body can begin to detox and reach a state of normalcy post awakening. Once you feel settled (in time it will come) you can pick up the THC again, but I would recommend it for the use of meditation. In the mean time, look up the chakras and begin to study them, and meditate on each of them crown to root daily. Here are a few websites from kundalini masters and other awakened individuals who reflect on their awakening and life since that moment. These people will help you greatly, read their stories and take in the stories that resemble yours, you will find the healing when you accept the great call upon your life now that you are open to the spirit unlike before. If you wish to share your email, I can send you a copy of Ernest Holmes science of the mind, which is a great book for grounding, and has affirmations that will help you balance and direct your energy. Let me know in a private message, you can trust I will not share your info.