Greetings and Wholeness resistance posters!
I need some insight to a nagging situation I have, and I hope some of my Resistance sisters and brothers can point me in the right direction to find healing. I have been on a search, approximately 2 years now, for answers to a "spiritual injury" I incurred. I was initiated into Masonry in 2005, however I never practiced the craft fully until 2010. I picked up my working tools again to do research to the ongoing myth of Illuminati Satan etc. In my search I stumbled upon Albert Pike's "Morals and Dogma". I began to read Pike's book, not realizing it was an initiatory book. The first few chapters of the book shared cursory knowledge about the craft and the esoteric worldview. It was not until Pike made a declarative statement to "stop reading beyond this point if you are not truly ready to live this knowledge" or something similar to that notion that things began to get awkward.
Being intentionally brazen I continued to read on, and as I read I felt myself changing. I do not remember the specifics of the material, but I do know that my perception began to change as I was exposed to Pike's writing. I continued to read, and as i pushed forward i came across more and more esoteric and philosophic terms I did not know. Additionally, Pike said things that appeared morally ambiguous and I did not know how to accept his different worldview. Even though things became awkward I still felt compelled to continue reading, and one day "it" happened.
I was reading Pike's book and out of nowhere a "mountain" of spiritual consciousness landed on my head, and I was immediately compelled to pray, intensely. I felt so thankful for this unknown awareness and feeling I could only rejoice while being consumed in meditation. Upon finishing my initial prayer within my elevated consciousness, I went outside and the sky was literally bluer, I could see the intimate details of the trees even from long distances, and I could stare into the sun unlike any other time in my life. I felt a strong gravity of reality, as though I was connected to the earth unlike any other time in my life. When I would go to church, the atmosphere was different, as though i was "above" everyone else, and I could feel who had the strongest spirit in church. There was one instance where I know I almost saw Jesus on the cross as the preacher went through a closing litany describing the wounded healer, as though i was being teleported to to Calvary. Additionally, I had a sexual encounter with girlfriend at the time that felt "right" and "holy", where both of us were compelled to chant in mantra "Oh my GOD" during intercourse, as though we were both being pleasantly controlled. However, this consciousness came with a price.
The price was for me to be completely obedient to it, at all times. The urges that came with it called me to act against my understanding of evil in the world. It was nothing monumental, but I felt compelled to destroy "evil" looking graffiti around my neighborhood, I felt compelled to pray for persons whom I knew clung to negativity, and I became an advocate for a coworker who everyone ridiculed. Additionally, I was obsessed with masonic symbols. Any geometric shape I saw I had to give a 2nd or 3rd look to, feeling as though the 2nd or 3rd glance would aid my ability to see through them, and through reality itself. Also, all mythological stories had intense gravity to them, and I saw "in the beginning" almost everywhere I went.
Then one day it all went downhill. One day at work I actually participated in making fun of our office pariah, and immediately after I felt a "twitch" in my head that "sprung a leak" in my consciousness. I could literally feel the gravity of my awareness slowly dripping up, and out of my mind like a leaky faucet, "drip drip", only upward instead of downward This drip continued for about two weeks, and one day it hit critical mass.
I had purchased the Halo animated series (Halo the video game for those who dont know) which told the back story of the game, and fleshed out the game's universe. I popped in the blueray and the opening cinematic began "in the beginning in a galaxy far off from earth" and it seemed as tho my consciousness wanted to literally jump into the mythology of the video game. As my consciousness attempted to transition into an unreal dimension, my consciousness bounced back, and a "creaky door" sound resonated through my head, and immediately after the constant drip of loosing consciousness began to flood though, as though someone actually turned on the faucet. To properly describe it, the drip (which was dripping upward) bust through my mental seems and began to furiously flow out of my head.
I was sitting still, but it felt as though I was falling. I felt a cool breeze brushing against my head, and it felt as though my brain was exposed to the atmosphere, like the cover of my crown was pried open with a crowbar and I couldnt close it because the latch was broken. This flow was extremely disturbing and frightening for I knew something bad was happening because it was painful, and I was extremely fearful I have done something that i would never recover from.
The draining of consciousness eventually stopped, and I only retained maybe half of the gravitational awareness I had. Now the drip turned into a constant ticking and popping sound inside my head that I would hear and feel constantly. Additionally, whenever I swallowed it felt as though the back of my tongue was going to jump into the base of my brain, or the base of my brain was going to be swallowed down my esophagus. It started off as annoying, but after a week it grew painful. As this pain continued, I attempted to finish Pike's book, but it was like my brain could not even decipher the words written anymore, almost as though it was not written in English anymore. As time passed, the constant ticking, popping, and shifting throat problem intensified, and my sense of falling became almost constant. To make it even worse, my left eye developed a serious twitch, and it always felt as though there was something covering it, almost like the christian concept of "scales over the eyes".
All of this reached a tragic climax one night after smoking marijuana and drinking beer. I was not heavily intoxicated, but I knew something was wrong when I began my drive home after finishing my smoking session. Internally I felt the falling sensation again, and the cool breeze of my "exposed" brain slapped me in the face and it literally paralyzed me in my car. I managed to ring a my girlfriend who came to my aid, and she called 911. While waiting all I could do was scream in terror as I felt like something was literally snatching my soul out of my body, like it was being sucked right out of my crown. The paramedics came, and I began to speak in tongues (xenolalia). For anyone who knows about the black church experience, speaking in tongues "the unknown language" is a big deal. I had never done that before until this terrifying moment.
As the paramedics carried me to the hospital my xenolalia intensified, and I began using a tone of voice that was not my own. All of this was happening while I had the intense flow of consciousness fleeing my crown chakra. Eventually the episode stopped, and the hospital began to drug me for a week straight. For an entire week I felt as though I "wasn't present". I knew I was in my body, but it seemed as though I had receded into some far off corner of my consciousness that delayed all my reactions. People would ask me questions and it would take 5-10 seconds before i was able to respond.
Additionally, my crown, pineal gland, and throat were severely injured, and the extreme discomfort remained, this time with my crown feeling as though it could crumble at any minute, like the inside of my brain was going to collapse on itself. Over time I had some healing, however even to this day the same discomfort persists. It was not until 2012 that I began to study sandskrit religion and learned about chakras and kundalini, which is why I know how to use the terms now. From what I know now, I realize I had an intense kundalini experience gone terribly wrong that I feel almost killed me. So even now I feel I have a spiritual injury for when I have any rising experiences, they are accompanied with the reminder that my crown, pineal gland, and throat have some type of scar tissue that seemingly will never be repaired.
All of this worries me because I feel as though it has not gotten any better. Some days I feel nothing, and other days I find myself having to think twice before I swallow, for I know if i swallow at the wrong moment, I will feel as though my pineal gland will crumble. Additionally, I sometimes have lapses in thought, where I can actually feel the left and right hemispheres of my brain failing to connect as I try to articulate a thought, which gives me awkward pauses, and sometimes random twitches. I have to keep constant awareness of this condition, for the moment I relax that's the moment I feel my mind slip.
So I am writing all of this hoping to see if I can find any answers, comparative stories, or any particular knowledge that will further explain what happened to me. Most importantly, I would like to know if there are any healing techniques I could use to repair my damaged energy centers. I feel I need some help because at this point I am unsure of I can maintain the balance of oneness because I feel fleeting moments of divine unity, only for the slightest lapse in concentration gives me discomfort. I have been carrying this burden in secret for the past two years, and the stress wears on me, and I fear that something worse may happen soon if I dont get relief, for I constantly keep a hint of negativity with me as i worry about my injury.
So if anyone in the resistance can provide me with any piece of light, I would greatly appreciate it, for I know I need healing so I can move forward.
We Believe in You Brother
you can try to start by building yourself up again. especially your back wich is extremely important in energy flow and over all balance. try to do these exersices from the book of mantak chia ; Taoist secrets for cultivating male energy.
SIX EXERCISES FOR THE KIDNEYS AND BACK
The following is a listing of a set of exercises that work both the abdominal ^nuscles, the waist musculature and the lower back. A strong lower back and abdomen are indicative of a strong sexual potential, thus helping to prevent premature ejaculation, lumbago, lower back pain and urogenital problems of all kinds. These exer- cises and the movements work to strengthen the kidney energy as well.
Lie with back on the floor or mat with both legs held up, outstretched at a 80-90 degree angle. Begin to slowly lower legs to the left until they reach an angle of 45 degrees. Then bring them back to the beginning position. Then slowly lower them to the right side until they reach a 45 degree angle and bring the legs back to the beginning position. You may perform this exercise at least 10-12 times at each sitting.
Exercise Two: Lie with your back to the floor on a mat. Raise both legs so
they form a 45 degree angle with the ground. Then cross each leg over the other three to four times. Repeat this exercise ten to twelve times.
Lie with your back on the floor or on a mat. Hold your hands on your waist and lift up the upper half of your body until it forms a forty-five degree angle with the floor. Hold as long as you can, then lower your body to the floor. Repeat the exercise 10-12 times or more, if desired.
Lying on your stomach on a mat, with both arms bent at the elbows and hands held out next to your ears, lift the upper half of your body off the floor. Hold this position for as long as you can, then lower your body slowly to the floor. Repeat the exercise 10 times.
Lying on your stomach on the floor on a mat, grasp both hands behind your back at the level of the small of the back. Lift the upper half, and the lower half of your body simultaneously off the ground so that just your abdomen touches the ground. Hold for as long as possible. Lower both halves of your body to the floor and repeat ten times eac.240 Taoist Secrets Of Love
Exercise Six: Lying on the back, alternately lift the legs one at a time and
hold it in the lifted position for as long as you can. Do ten sets of the exercise.
The above set of exercises should be performed on a daily basis and in the early A.M. is best.
The following is an exercise taken from the Pa Tuan Chin (Chinese Health Exercises), and is very good for the kidneys. Stand with feet shoulder width apart, hands at your sides, with tongue touching the palate. Inhale, bend from the waist, and exhale as you go down, touching the floor with your palms if you can. Inhale while straightening up. At the same time as you straighten up bring your hands out-stretched over your head and stand up on your toes as you reach maximum outstretched reach. Exhale, as you come down off your toes and at the same time place your fists on your kidneys, on the back under the rib cage, relax on both sides,and then inhale as you press your fists into your kidneys while leaning as far back as you can. Exhale as you come back to the starting position and repeat 10 times.
Add your own exercises as well. physical strength is the first step toward mental and spiritual strenghth. I learned that the hard way. I will be practicing these and also doing some cardio along with you since i am going through something similar to you. Best of luck man and never give up. Onward! (^_^)
-Hopefully somebody here on the resistence can offer further advice
"From what I know now, I realize I had an intense kundalini experience gone terribly wrong that I feel almost killed me. So even now I feel I have a spiritual injury for when I have any rising experiences, they are accompanied with the reminder that my crown, pineal gland, and throat have some type of scar tissue that seemingly will never be repaired." Within in this direct quote are keys to your needed transmutation... if you chose to use it, or not... Due to the intensity of your description of your experience. and The completion of the 2012 21 energy frequency... i will share a few thoughts. about your statement in the quotes.. and hope it may assists the WHOLENESS and the Balancing of your sharing.
1. i had an intense kundalini experience....
2. gone terribly wrong
3 i feel it almost killed me
4 so even now i feel i have a spiritual injury
5 my crown, pineal gland, and throat have some type of scar
Upon viewing your direct quote, and thinking deeply about Wholeness, here at the Resistance Family... and the much that has been described in relation to the WORD, which indeed at times may B secondary to the Thought... it could be possible for a self healer to passionately, observe their own thought forms.... they are laying out in the eathers. I can share this because recently completing a level of inner healing, pertaining to the Heart-Earth chakrum... and inorder to become complete with it's intensity, I have had to keep in the forefront of mindFULLness, not to put descriptions or limitations in WORDS to describe the Healing which is taking place within me... ...Holding only the greatest resolve that it is in the grandest most Perfecting and Unlimited, Potential of the NU energy that this energy has moved through, around and within me.... and I am the embodiment of Perfect Health in all my Seals and Chakra's... This declaration is to say in- an order, that the physical, will, thereby only record the highest of vibrations of the experience... and maintain a Clear Face, into the NOW of a Grander Future... I do hope this allows some crystali clarity, .... especially if you review number 3 above of your of your quoted words...If as you are declaring did have a Near death experience, then I would infer that you that you are possibly, Brand New and Already Healed, if you open to it.. Not speaking of any Jedi mind trick... just a simplicity of acceptance, that the force of your chose to be Whole and Healed, is with you because you are here Now, sharing your transmutation so adeptly.... Healthy wealthy and wise enough to Being Present, and giving the gift of your magi expression of you experience... inspite of any of the voices. Thanks to the Greater self on all levels, thanks Ahmad for your post.... WBV :)
1- I had an INTENSE KUNDALINI experience, whoopee!
2- Everything within me is vibrating in Alignment with my Grandest Dream of the MOST High
3- I am born anew in an un describle Nu Energy that can not begin to be described in words, until it is fully expanded in my physical auric feild. this i am in patience for.... so be it....
4 - As Spirit is forever, I know that no injury can ever prevent my journey to Wholeness Within...
5- I remove any imagined or real scar, which could never truly attach to the crown, pineal, or throat, for any prolonged period, as these are my higher centers, by compassion and love of Self as All, as i expand to share the Adventure of this my Complete healing
Nu points of a veiw .... Happy 2013 and Beyond..
O wow thank you David and Crystal I greatly appreciate this. David, your post from Batman was comical and fitting. I get the symbolic meaning behind it, and the unpleasant "ouch" when Bruce bashed his head on the tunnel wall was the perfect pun. I will begin this practices and monitor their transformative abilities. Ill be sure to get back to you with my progress.
Crystal, I love your reply. You are right, as I reflect on my journey and this 2012 shift, I realize I was "ahead of the game" to be cliche. I am going to start invoking positive thoughts around my current state and use those as fuel to get the healing I desire.
Thank you both!
Peace & Wholeness to you Ahmad. My story is somewhat different yet some physical similarities. I won't go into the story because it brings up energy that is not progressive & healing. And that is exactly what I had to do...progress! Go forward & heal. This is a challenge when something as disturbing as this happens. It's like being electrocuted or having shock therapy & it stays with you a very long time. But there is something bigger & more powerful then what sucked you into this and that is Love. The energy of Love, given time, will unfold within you & that energy can & will heal you if you get out of your own way so to speak. Please, try to let go of your story whenever you can...the sooner the better. Each day committ to self-healing. I started sleeping with crystals on my forehead aprox. 6 years ago & that was a big help for me. I became very mindful of my vocabulary as well as what was going into my body (alcohol, drugs, glutton, excess sugar, etc.) so I had to pay attention to what was going in & what was coming out. I also became mindful of what I was doing in my spare time & who I was doing it with. There was no time to waste on negativity so I stopped hanging with negative people. The energy you need to repair the damage must be positive based & carry vibrations of harmony & healing. Focus on your heart chakra as that is directly connected to your pineal gland. (Energy goes up.) I am also going to suggest soothing music...this is very important because of the vibrations. I suggest you google information from Dale Pond Principles of Sympathetic Vibrations...very helpful for your understanding.
Ahmad, everyone is exposed to negative vibrations. Yours became intense & you had no safety mechanisms in place to assist you during your reading of Pike's book. Had you been properly schooled in what you were doing, you may have been able to pull it off afterall, someone has to report on this information so we know what their power source is...obviously part of it is Words!
Be your own Mother now & give yourself gentle love but at the same time be strong & disciplined. Eat right, get exercise! Very important! Nothing outlandish but you must get that chemical flow in your brain going again & breath work & exercise are essential. Take time out to really feel your emotions & find out what your feelings are telling you.
There were many things that assisted my healing & I was led by grace & love to many of them. I extend that to you. Be patient. Your own healing could be your best journey yet! It was for me.
Why Marie Adams, now this part of the wholeness that i am, has to say, you stated that so Per Fectingly grand, as an evolution of this entire post... Thank WHOLENESS always Balancing the vibrations.... and this is the part of your story you formed so well for this eye
"My story is somewhat different yet some physical similarities. I won't go into the story because it brings up energy that is not progressive & healing. And that is exactly what I had to do...progress! Go forward & heal. This is a challenge when something as disturbing as this happens.
With 2013 Chi and Prana, Nu frequencies we are unpacking... hopefully our sharing will be a part of the Quickening s, with or without words that may assist in the Grandest Self healing s, in the Cosmos... for any one that visits the Resistance Astral quest sites, Even the Ever Present Future self becomings..... :)
Very helpful site. Thank you!
Blue Kyanite is excellent for buffering energy and works to harmonise the flow of energy in the higher centres so you won't feel torn between worlds and the symbols that may seem to get you there. I don't think your information is completely gone, I just think it's been rail roaded and stored elsewhere in your body. From what you say it may have started in your heart chakra then you probably got the weird flutters in the throat followed by the buzzing in your head? Maybe backtracking will help and Blue Kyanite is a good friend around the top of the body. It appears to allow for rest and repair simultaneously.
Hope it helps.
You are spot on Anthony... interesting. I am going to check out this Blue Kyanite.
I'm going to think on this one for a little bit but definitely get back to you on that. Your still here aren't you? Sounds like you got burned playing with dark magic. Chalk that up to a very hard learned lesson!